The Importance of Self-Compassion and How to Practice It
As a therapist, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing just how deeply people care for others. It’s amazing how much compassion, empathy, and patience many of us extend outward. One thing that continues to stand out is how even the most caring and gentle individuals can be incredibly harsh on themselves. We often forgive others for their struggles or missteps but hold ourselves to unrelenting standards. Somehow, we have learned to be compassionate to everyone but ourselves.
If this sounds familiar, maybe it’s time to explore what self-compassion could look like for you. Self-compassion isn’t about self-indulgence or ignoring our mistakes; it’s about treating ourselves with the same understanding and patience we’d offer a friend. Here are five ways we tend to be too hard on ourselves, followed by five practical steps for inviting more compassion into our lives.
Five Common Ways We’re Hard on Ourselves
Constant Self-Criticism – That inner voice that points out every perceived flaw or mistake can be relentless. We often criticize ourselves in ways we’d never dare speak to others.
Unrealistic Standards – Holding ourselves to impossibly high standards can lead to constant disappointment. Perfectionism may feel like it pushes us forward, but it often leaves us feeling inadequate.
Ignoring Our Own Needs – We might prioritize others’ needs and put our well-being on the back burner, leading to burnout and resentment over time.
Downplaying Successes – Even when we achieve something meaningful, we sometimes dismiss it as “not good enough” or “just luck,” robbing ourselves of the joy of accomplishment.
Overthinking Mistakes – Instead of learning from mistakes and moving on, we replay them in our minds, judging ourselves long after others have forgotten.Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.
Five Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
Acknowledge Your Inner Critic, then Reframe — When you catch yourself being overly critical, pause. Imagine how you’d respond to a friend and try to use that same tone with yourself. Shift from "I can't believe I did that" to "It's okay, everyone makes mistakes."
Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection — Notice when you’re setting standards for yourself that are too high, and start embracing progress instead of perfection. Take time to celebrate small wins and acknowledge each step you’re taking. Recognizing your efforts, rather than dismissing them, can help build a more compassionate perspective.
Practice Self-Care as a Priority, Not an Afterthought — Make self-care a part of your routine, even in small ways. Whether taking a quiet moment with your coffee or setting boundaries on your time, remind yourself that your needs matter, too.
Forgive Yourself for Mistakes — When you make a mistake, remember it’s part of being human. Try to learn from it, then let it go. Say to yourself, “I’m learning. This doesn’t define me.” Self-forgiveness isn’t letting yourself off the hook; it’s about allowing space to grow without the weight of shame.
Practice Mindful Self-Compassion — Spend a few minutes each day focusing on what you appreciate about yourself or simply acknowledging that you’re doing your best. Place a hand on your heart and breathe, offering yourself the same care you’d give a loved one. This small ritual helps remind you that you’re worthy of compassion, just as you are.
My clients know that I’m a big advocate for self-hugs. It will probably feel silly at first, but embracing yourself—literally—is such a powerful way to connect with and support yourself. Small gestures like this are reminders that self-compassion is an active practice, something we can nurture a little each day. Remember, self-compassion isn’t just a nice idea—it’s an active practice, a muscle you can strengthen over time.