Why Holidays Can Be Triggering—and How to Prepare for a Season You Can Truly Enjoy

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration—at least, that’s what we’re told. But for many, they can feel more stressful than cheerful. Whether it’s tricky family dynamics, memories of loss, or just the pressure to make everything perfect, it’s no wonder many people dread the season.

For some, the holidays also challenge being around people whose values, lifestyles, or behaviors don’t align with their own. It might be navigating difficult conversations, avoiding topics that stir tension, or feeling out of place in environments that don’t feel supportive. If that’s you, know that it’s valid to feel uneasy. The good news is that with a little preparation, you can approach this season in a more intentional and meaningful way.

Why the Holidays Can Be Triggering

1. Family Dynamics

   Let’s be honest: family time isn’t always easy. Old conflicts, unspoken tensions, or being surrounded by choices and lifestyles that clash with your own can make gatherings feel more stressful than celebratory—even when everyone has the best intentions.

2. Loneliness or Isolation

   If you’re spending the holidays alone or missing someone important, this time of year can highlight those feelings. Social media doesn’t help either—it’s hard not to compare your reality to the picture-perfect moments everyone else seems to share.

3. Financial Stress

   Between gifts, travel, and all the extras, the holidays can strain your budget. The pressure to spend can take the joy out of the season and leave you emotionally and financially drained.

4. Unrealistic Expectations

   We’ve all seen those holiday movies where everything works out perfectly in the end. But let’s face it: real life is messy. We often feel disappointed when we try to live up to those impossible standards.

5. Memories of Loss or Trauma

   The holidays can bring up memories—both good and bad. If you’ve experienced loss or difficult times during this season, it’s natural for those feelings to resurface and make things feel heavier.

6. Feeling Out of Place

   Sometimes, being around people with very different values, choices, or lifestyles can feel exhausting or even painful. This could mean navigating a family gathering where certain behaviors feel challenging to be around, avoiding contentious topics, or feeling like you can’t fully be yourself.

How to Prepare Yourself for the Holidays

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings

   Start by being honest with yourself about how you’re feeling. It’s okay to feel conflicted or overwhelmed. Pushing those feelings aside won’t make them go away—in fact, acknowledging them can be the first step toward making the season feel more manageable.

2. Set Realistic Expectations

   The holidays don’t have to be picture-perfect to be meaningful. Focus on what matters most to you—connect with someone you care about, find moments of rest, or start a new tradition. Let go of the pressure to make everything “just right.”

3. Plan Ahead for Triggers

   If you know certain situations might be difficult—like challenging conversations, feeling out of place, or being surrounded by things you’ve chosen to step away from—think about how you’ll handle them. Set boundaries, plan an exit strategy, or prepare a comforting ritual for afterward.

4. Create New Traditions

   If old traditions don’t feel right, permit yourself to create new ones. Whether it’s volunteering, hosting a small gathering with friends, or spending the day doing something you love, make the season work for you.

5. Take Care of Yourself

   The holidays can be busy and overwhelming, so don’t forget to prioritize yourself. This might mean setting aside quiet time, taking a walk outside, or saying “no” to something that feels like too much. Your well-being matters.

6. Reach Out for Connection

   If you’re feeling lonely, try reaching out to someone you trust. Even a short conversation can make a difference. And if you need extra support, consider talking to a therapist or joining a community group—connection often helps more than we realize.

7. Focus on What You Can Control

   You can’t change everything—family dynamics, past losses, or the behavior of others—but you can focus on how you show up for yourself. Practice grounding techniques, like deep breathing or mindfulness, to stay present and steady in tough moments.

Finding Joy in the Season—On Your Own Terms

The holidays don’t have to look like a movie to be meaningful. They can be messy and imperfect and still hold moments of joy and connection. By preparing, setting boundaries, and focusing on what truly matters to you, you can create a holiday season that feels right for where you are in life.

Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your needs and feelings. This season is just a small part of the bigger picture, and you have the power to make it a little more manageable—and maybe even enjoyable.